Babies and Toddlers

Being a baby involves rapid development in basic fields of feeling, seeing, eating, talking and walking. From a social point of view, attachment is a central feature. This means that the baby will try to attach to people in its surrounding; that means trying to bond with these people. It uses everything it has to bond: babbling, smiling, grabbing, and crying.  

Many autistic children resist or ignore contact with their parents as a baby. They often cry, they hold their arms limp along their body when they are picked up, they hardly if ever smile, and sometimes they push the other away.

The toddler too is actively involved in keeping his caretakers near to ensure help is there when it is needed.

Kids with autism are not able to do much bonding. This makes it more difficult not only for themselves but also for their surroundings. The caretaker, usually the mother, will try to make contact with the child. A parent may feel rejected when the baby doesn’t make contact or even does not seem to be interested in making contact. The young child with autism seeks even less consolation or help and seems deeply involved within himself.

Some parents will feel rejected. Others, however, will feel very close to their child because it will not break the symbiotic relationship with the caring parent.

So it is not a first example of the stubbornness phase, which is part of healthy development and is an illustration of the first separation from the parents, while the child keeps depending on the parent or caretaker at the same time.

The parent will keep supplying the help that is needed. As said before, some parents will feel rejected and others won’t. The child will keep using the parent as if the parent was an instrumental part of itself.

For instance it will grab its parent’s arm and point to an object it would like to have. It doesn’t reach the point of being able to function autonomously on its own. This is another illustration of the fact that the child has difficulty in bonding in a safe manner, because this child is not able to let loose. It hardly makes eye contact, and the gaze is often seen as empty, gazing past another person or fixating on the tip of somebody’s nose. This gaze is perceived as ‘penetrating.’

Bonding is a complicated social activity and requires development of social insights. It means actively working on the ‘theory-of-mind,’ which implies the development of a theory over one’s own thoughts and feelings and those of others.

In this phase, children are not at all occupied with bonding. Sometimes they are still busy with subjects that ripen quicker with the average child. For instance the body still has to learn how to digest food, the immune system needs to be activated, their senses still need to develop further, their motoric senses need more development too, language needs to be formed and the child needs to be toilet trained.

Children with autism need a lot of energy to manage this development because this maturation passes in a slower pace. This can mean problems with being held, being cuddled, etc.

During childhood, development of cognitive skills and playing with other children is very important. Children with autism, however, are still busy bonding with people in their direct surrounding and still have problems understanding how the world turns. They are busy exploring and getting used to people in their direct vicinity and they are certainly not active in playing with each other in a social manner.

Kanner uses Frederick as an example. Frederick first pays attention to people around him and people coming to visit. When Frederick first gets to know his family he should already have been busy with finding friends at school, playing with other children in the sandbox in the playground.

Learning starts with copying actively. In its own way the child copies internally and externally what it sees and says ‘yes’ to the world around him. An autistic has problems copying and often stays trapped in what is known and familiar, showing safe repetitive behavior. The child seems to say ‘no’ to the world.

There is a tendency to stick with known territory (need for sameness) and repetition of the same behavior. Changes in surroundings are not accepted, because this makes the surroundings unrecognizable. The child is very frightened of the unknown and unexpected. This can lead to panic attacks and tantrums. Other children are often avoided because they show unpredicted behavior. This is caused by the autistic’s inability to empathize with other children’s interests, feelings and games. Sometimes the autistic child chooses a much younger child to play with. This child will have to follow the orders that the autistic child makes up according his own ideas and thoughts.

Sometimes the child will adore and be totally fixated on an older favorite friend.

Children with autism are usually late in development and understanding reciprocity. As a result they ‘use’ other children for a longer period as a tool in their game without proper realization that the other child has needs of its own. They do not play games that coincide with their calendar age but often according to their ‘development’ age, which often is much younger.

The expectation that children with autism can easily get along with their peers is often too high. As a result the daily stress the autistic child feels rises. And thus daily rituals and obsessions increase.

Children with autism loose themselves often in certain subjects or manners. Trains and dinosaurs are very popular with autistic children. They give them the rest they need.

Every child will have his own favorite subject. Many children will keep asking questions about their favorite topic endlessly. Sometimes certain stereotypical mannerisms will be endlessly repeated, like turning switches on and off, turning objects such as buttons, etc.

Babies and Toddlers
Autism and course of life
Autism Checklist
Autism Guide: The Essential Guide To Autism